To make an ice rink

During last night’s meditation in the nature in Ubud, I got a feeling of crying at some point. I was about to hear very very small voice.. but I wasn’t sure what that is until I heard this

------------------I’m sorry god, I still want to create. 

As I heard this, I couldn’t stop crying. 

It’s like almost apologising deeply.. with a guilty. It was a scream from my deep deep inside, begging for a forgiveness for something that I couldn’t kill even though I tried. 

My strong creativity cause problems. I was very alone, I was cold. I destroyed my health as far as I couldn’t walk.

As I realised that this world isn’t all about design and art when I was 26, I decided to learn how to see this world in different perspective.  My life became much easier when I don’t create or I don’t care about creation. I got healthier. And less ego, more compassionate I became. So I’ve been taken my creativity at devil.

Yesterday, a person who can read astrology told me this

    -You have knife into your pocket. The passion. Knifes doesn’t have to kill people, it can be very useful item. It’s your choice to learn how to dance with it, how to love it, how to use it to the world for good cause. Don’t afraid of being who you are.  

I take any of these fortune teller stuff with a grain of salt in general, but this one spoke to me.

….Love will thaw. I’ve been learning “love" since I got to Ubud, is it time to “make an ice rink for the kingdom"?